Life Happens is a collection of forty five short reflections, odes and illustrations on a wide range of subjects which affects young people – from loneliness and despair to happiness and gratitude, from heartbreaks to adjustments and carrying on, from boundaries to balanced battles, ego and self-respect to the conflict between karma and empathy by the twenty seven year old Nikita, who has been a volunteer with VoW for the last two years. The wisdom that she brings to ‘Life Happens’ far exceeds her age, and if her brief picture and pen portrait were not given on the back cover page of the book, one would certainly think that the author had several decades of experience to pen these thoughts.
Having read this short one hundred and eleven page book -cover to cover- let me begin with sharing the reflections which have left a lasting impression on my mind. The most powerful is also the first entry ‘She was a cyclone forced into an egg shell’ which states that most women carry within them, a storm of strength, ambition and passion, and like a cyclone they have the power to create change, to challenge the status quo, and move through life with force and energy. Nikita writes that ‘they rebel in subtle, and not – so – subtle ways, pushing against their constraints, even if they cannot break free immediately. They find themselves trapped in an eggshell, a fragile, confining structure made up of expectations about how they should behave, what they should want, and how much space they are allowed to occupy!’
In ‘Are you Adjusting or Compromising’, she talks of the fine line between adjusting and compromising. Adjustment is about flexibility – it is about making small changes to get a better fit into the situation, whereas a ‘compromise’ is about principles. In other words: are you changing track (which is a compromise), or changing a by lane which may be slightly more circuitous, but leads to the same destination (adjustment)?
There is an interesting mediation on our (failed) efforts to heal someone we are really close to. It is indeed a generous and compassionate act to want to help someone overcome their struggle. But sometimes this does not work. ‘Often times, we find ourselves trying to heal others, thinking that it might somehow fix our own hidden wounds. However, it is crucial to recognize that healing someone else will not necessarily heal us. ‘Each person’s recovery process is unique’, and there is no one – size – fit – all, for ‘what works for one may not work for another’.
Boundaries, Ego and Self Respect: Understanding the Fine Line
There are two fine reflections on these interconnected issues. The first is about the imperative ofestablishing a ‘personal boundary’ – not just in the physical, but also in the psychological sense, for we must build a ‘mental shield’ to withstand any unwanted assault, or the ‘camel in the tent story’, where the camel sought to protect only his head, and finally pushed the Arab out! Nikita tells us that ‘crafting the right boundaries is a delicate balance’. Their purpose is to make you feel safe and respected, not more distressed – for if they are set correctly, these can enhance your self -respect. It is your right to be treated with kindness and respect, and thought there may some initial hiccups when you first start to enforce your boundaries, over time, it will become clear that ‘healthy boundaries are not barriers to keep people out, but guidelines to help others understand how to love and respect you better’. However, setting boundaries is easier said than done – for when they are set from a place of ego, they might be used to exclude others unfairly, but when they stem from self-respect, they are tools that help us communicate our expectations clearly and respectfully. Obviously, boundaries are also contextual, and set in a ‘specific time-space-event construct’. Understanding this balance is crucial for it is ‘about lifting yourself up, without pushing another person down’.
The multiple reasons for heart breaks
The general impression is that if there is love, there will also be broken hearts. But Nikita tells us that to confine a heartbreak exclusively to a romance gone sour is ‘true, but not exclusively so’. For when friendships drift apart,or come to a sudden end, when sibling rivalry leads to estrangement, and when you are no longer the favourite mentee at the workplace, it takes a toll on the heart. These too are valid forms of heartbreak, and they need to be fixed and healed.
Illustrations that embellish the text
A word about the hand-drawn ink illustrations by Yash Kukreti, for as the cover page shows, he has the ability to understand the ‘abstract’ and convert it into a format that embellishes the text. My favourite illustration is the one that goes with the note ‘Impatience is my superpower’. Two crossed quills in an unfinished circle appear like clock hands racing against time. She writes that rather than seeing impatience as a weakness, it can also be viewed as a superpower that pushes people to work harder, think faster, and act boldly.
Interspersed amidst all these reflections there are blank pages, or should we say, intimate spaces for you to jot down your own intimate and personal thoughts on what Nikita has said, or left unsaid, to build your own ‘nest of ideas’. Over time, this has the potential of another book on the wonders of life, and what it does to each one of us. For whether we like it or not, Life Happens. So grab a copy and reflect on the journey that you have already undertaken and the pathway ahead, both in this life, and beyond!
