What makes a person want to be a part of someone else’s grief? The fact that he knows what it feels like to be in pain and how much relief it brings to have someone to share it with.
We all know, or have experienced, the pain of losing a loved one. It numbs the senses leaving us often incapacitated when it becomes unbearable. We don’t know what to do, who to approach for help to deal with this grief. In times like these, having a close confidante around us helps, with whom we can share about our painful experience. Or else, we can approach a therapist who can help us to bring the deep festering emotional wound to the surface.
Knowing this only too well after having experienced the terrible grief of losing both parents, a young IAS officer has taken it upon himself to start a platform to encourage people to open up about their emotional pain to be able to come to grips with it. He has started a podcast named ‘Let’s Talk Grief’ where he invites guests to discuss about the various stages of grief.
Indian Masterminds spoke to this 2021-batch IAS officer of Madhya Pradesh cadre, Mr. T Prateek Rao, to know more about his cathartic initiative.
PAIN OF LOSING LOVED ONES
In 2013, while on a family holiday to Leh and Ladakh, pain hit T Prateek Rao suddenly in the form of death. He lost both his parents to a terrible car accident on the mountains.
He and his younger brother escaped as they were in a different car. To see it all happen in front of his eyes left him in shock and denial.
Coming back to an empty home was even more painful and the realisation that he has to take on the role of parents for his brother, who was eight years younger to him, felt like a Herculean task, a cross too heavy for the 21 year old to carry.
“Sometimes circumstances compel you to mature well ahead of your years. I grew up overnight,” he said.
LET’S TALK GRIEF
Cut to 2023, and T Prateek Rao is now an IAS officer, just about to finish his second phase of training at LBSNAA and awaiting his first posting as SDM in a district. “It’s basically peer experience sharing and consolidation of ideas from our field experience as Assistant Collectors,” he said, explaining what phase 2 training is all about.
It was this year in the soothing autumn month of October that he started his healing podcast, ‘Let’s Talk Grief’. After having lived and dealt with grief for so long, he felt the need to reach out and help others going through similar pain.
“It took me 4-5 years to get to a point were I was able to discuss it. When people listen to others discussing their grief freely, something might strike a chord. They might start feeling that they can also do this. That’s the agenda. Even if one person gets something positive out of it, my goal would be achieved,” Mr. Rao said.
SHARING LESSENS THE PAIN
He decided on a podcast because he thinks it is more intimate than writing. “I also write blogs but podcast is more interactive,” he said.
For the first episode, he invited a clinical psychologist who offered an expert’s views on the topic. The next episode features his close friend, an IAS officer, who had lost a parent.
“The whole idea of the podcast is to tell people to share their grief, be it with a friend, a relative, or a mental health expert. And, not to keep it bottled up inside which can lead to serious health issues.” Mr. Rao said.
KEEPING ONESELF BUSY HELPS
Walking the talk, he confided with Indian Masterminds that when he was grieving his loss, having a close circle of caring people around him helped. Another thing that helped was keeping himself busy and occupied with work. In his case, it was studies.
“I was in my first year at IIM Calcutta and it was really tough which was a blessing in disguise. I had to research and study all the time and this kept away negative thoughts from my mind,” he explained.
Prior to IIM, he was at NIT Suratkal pursuing an engineering degree. After passing out from IIM Calcutta, he joined the corporate world in Mumbai, in a company called Crisil with money as the sole motivator, only to realise one and a half year later that this was not his calling. He wasn’t deriving any job satisfaction and wanted to make himself useful for the public. That was it. He took off from Mumbai and landed up in Delhi to prepare for UPSC CSE.
It was actually an easy decision for him as his father was an IAS officer and his last posting was as Commissioner of Industries in Madhya Pradesh. “Growing up, I had seen him impacting lives as a District Collector,” he said.
He calls himself a “hybrid” as his father was from MP while his mother was from Maharashtra. He also calls himself lucky as he was allotted home cadre MP after he got IAS. It took four attempts in which he reached the interview every time, to finally get his dream service. “My first attempt was in 2016. In the third attempt, I got Railway Service. I joined but took leave to give another attempt which got me IAS.”
DON’T GRIEVE ALONE
And, his first initiative after joining IAS is the podcast, ‘Let’s Talk Grief’. There is a mail id of the podcast – [email protected] – where people can write in to share or seek advice. Most probably, the psychologist who graced the first episode will become his co-host in the podcast which is also available on his YouTube channel https://youtube.com/@GriefPodcast?si=L2Mx6tn3ALv1FJOM. His blogs are available on prateekrao.com.
His other interests that keep him busy and helps him to stay grounded are music – he plays the guitar, singing – he composes songs and sings in Hindi and English, and cricket – he played for Madhya Pradesh under 16.
As a parting advice to all, he just wants to say, “Don’t grieve alone. Come, let’s talk grief.”
