It is said, if we don’t shape our kids, they will be shaped by outside forces that don’t care what shape our kids are in. Parenting is one of the most researched areas in the field of social science. Raising a good and civilized child is one of the toughest tasks for parents. But, at times, parenting can feel ridiculously hard. So hard that it leads to pure mental and physical exhaustion.
2013-batch IAS officer and DM of Sant Kabir Nagar, UP, Divya Mittal, who frequently comes on social media with guidance and counseling for a host of day-to-day problems, have some tips for parenting too, that can make it a most rewarding experience. She shared some parenting advices based on her parents’ and her own experiences. She suggests 12 key parenting steps for all parents.
CONFIDENCE
Being a parent can also make you act in a way that is not true to your core character. But that is necessary for your child. In her first tweet, Ms. Mittal talks about giving your child self-belief: “Tell them they can do anything. Tell it so often that they start believing it. That belief will define their destiny.”
FALL
As parents, you will never want to see your child fall. But again, let them learn what it feels like when they fall. “Let them fall. Let them jump and play and fall and get hurt. Don’t jump in to pick them up. Only then will they learn to get up from a failure, dust themselves up and keep walking.”
COMPETE
Make them participate in competitions. They will not win every time. But they will become comfortable with failure. Fear of failure is a bigger hindrance in success than failure.
RISK
Risk is most important factor in life. Calculated risk can make you win. “Let them take risk. Monitor them but allow them to do things you feel can be somewhat risky. Adventure sports, climbing a tree. You will see that when they know they can get hurt in the process, they behave responsibly”
ABUNDANCE MINDSET
Sometime we feel that we are not leaving much resources for our children and the next generation. But, hold your horses, don’t impose it on your child’s mind. The officer suggests that abundance mindset is very necessary for a child’s growth.
“They have opportunities and resources that you never had. Let them use that as a jump board to go in the higher orbit. Don’t impose your scarcity mindset on them.”
ROLE MODEL
‘Practice what you preach’ is still relevant today. Never do or say something opposite of what you are preaching to them. “Be a role model. Be yourself what you tell them to be. Nothing breaks a child’s heart more than seeing hypocrisy of their parents.”
BEHAVIOUR
Allow your child to experiment and try new things, but always take care of their behavior, because it will be with them their whole life.
“Shun bad behaviour. You must scold them and correct them when they are doing something bad. They need to understand what right behaviour is.”
TRUST
Trust is the most important of all. It should be developed from childhood. “Trust them. Don’t be disappointed in them. Always have hope. If you become disappointed in them, they will have no hope for themselves.”
EXPERIENCES
Giving new experiences to your child could be the most beautiful thing for them. A good exposure can enhance their ability. “Give experiences. Give them a variety of experiences to open their minds and hearts. Take them to orphanages, dance shows, travel, museums. Wherever you go, talk to them about things and their experience. Don’t just be busy among yourselves.”
LISTEN
We all know how important listening is. So, it can be inculcated from a young age. “Listen. Don’t assume that they are stupid and don’t know things. Don’t be in a hurry to respond. Listen intently and then speak. Then you will reach them. You will never have a complaint that they don’t listen.”
DON’T COMPARE
Please don’t do it, don’t compare. This can cause problems as the child becomes an adult. “Don’t compare your child with anyone. Especially with their siblings. Being the favoured one will make them unprepared for harshness of the world, being the unfavoured one will make them needy and always seeking validation.”
CONCLUSION
In the last tweet of the thread, Ms. Mittal concludes with: “Be their safe place. Where they get love without having to be anything. Tell them that you will always love them, even if you are angry with them. Your love is not conditional on any behavior of theirs.”
