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“I Just Couldn’t Take It Anymore” – The Untold Story Behind CSS Officer Deepak Khoda’s Suicide Attempt at Shastri Bhawan | Exclusive Interview

Deepak Khoda, a CSS officer, survived a suicide attempt at Shastri Bhawan. In an exclusive interview, he and his father allege sustained workplace harassment, highlighting the emotional toll and the urgent need for reform in government offices.
Indian Masterminds Stories

New Delhi: In a tragic turn of events that has shaken the corridors of power, Deepak Khoda, a 2015 batch Section Officer in the Central Secretariat Service (CSS), attempted to take his own life by jumping from the seventh floor of Shastri Bhawan, New Delhi. The officer, currently posted in the Ministry of Social Justice and Empowerment (MoSJE), survived the fall under miraculous circumstances and is now stable.

The incident, which took place on a quiet Monday morning, has sparked an urgent conversation about workplace harassment in government ministries – a topic long brushed under the carpet. Deepak survived the fall but sustained serious injuries, including damage to his left hand, which now requires multiple surgeries.

Indian Masterminds spoke exclusively with Deepak Khoda and his father, R.S. Meena, to understand what led to this harrowing moment. In a heartfelt conversation, Deepak opened up about the months of alleged mental harassment, public humiliation, and toxic office culture that pushed him to the edge.

Interview with Deepak Khoda, Section Officer, Central Secretariat Service

Q: First of all, Mr Deepak, how are you feeling now? Are you recovering?

Deepak: Thank you for asking. Physically, I’m stable, but emotionally… I’m still healing. The doctors have already done one surgery on my left hand, but another one is needed. They’re waiting for the wound to heal before they do a second surgery. I’m at home now, but the trauma – mental and emotional – is not something that goes away easily.

Q: Could you take us through what exactly happened that day – the day of the incident?

Deepak: It was Monday, 29th September. We had a morning meeting with our Additional Secretary, Caralyn Khongwar Deshmukh Ma’am. Also present were Narender Singh, our Deputy Secretary, and another Under Secretary. During the meeting, I was publicly scolded again, humiliated, and told that action would be taken against me. I was asked to produce my leave records in front of everyone – despite having done nothing wrong. This wasn’t the first time; it had been going on for nearly six months.

That day, I was already very low. I called my wife, spoke to her. I told her everything – how they humiliate me, how they make me feel like I’m not capable. She tried to comfort me, saying things would get better. But something just broke inside me. I was in complete despair… and then… I jumped. By some twist of fate, I landed on a vehicle carrying water bottles, which is believed to have softened my fall, potentially saving my life.

Q: That’s very difficult to hear. What exactly was the nature of this harassment? Was it related to your performance?

Deepak: That’s the thing – it wasn’t performance-related at all. I always gave my 100%. I completed all my work sincerely. I think I was just targeted without reason. There were no major mistakes, no show-cause notices, nothing official. But they would still scold me in meetings, question my leaves, and make me feel worthless.

I was told I was lying when I took medical leave, even when I had a valid reason. Narender Singh, the Deputy Secretary, and IAS Caralyn Khongwar Deshmukh Ma’am, who is the Additional Secretary in the ministry and a 1996 batch IAS officer, both kept targeting me. Even minor errors were exaggerated. Their tone was always insulting.

Madam would scold me in every meeting, in front of everyone. She created an environment of constant stress and discouragement. Even when I was on valid leave, she would question it and accuse me of lying.

Q: What kind of work do you handle as a Section Officer?

Deepak: I’m responsible for file handling, noting, drafting, and assisting in policy-related decisions. My role is quite critical in the ministry. I’m currently posted in the PM-AJAY section, which handles the Prime Minister’s Scheme for the Scheduled Castes. Before this, I worked in the Internal Finance Division (IFD).

Q: Have you faced similar treatment in your previous postings or is this new?

Deepak: No, not at this scale. The environment in my earlier postings was more professional. But in this section, especially under the current leadership, I’ve felt systematically broken down. Meetings felt like battlegrounds. There was no appreciation, no support – only criticism and humiliation.

Q: When did you get selected for CSS and what was the process like?

Deepak: I got selected in 2014 through the SSC CGL exam, which is a graduation-level competitive exam conducted by the Staff Selection Commission. I was allotted to the Central Secretariat Service (CSS) and joined in the 2015 batch. There’s no separate exam for CSS; selection is through SSC based on merit and preferences.

Q: Can you tell us a bit about your educational background?

Deepak: I’m originally from Jaipur, Rajasthan. I did my B.Sc. in Mathematics and completed it in 2013. After that, I started preparing for the Staff Selection Commission (SSC) exams.

Q: Did you pursue any further education after joining the service?

Deepak: Yes, after getting the job, I completed my postgraduate degree (M.A.) in Political Science in 2020.

Q: What is your main demand now? What do you want to happen?

Deepak: I want a departmental inquiry. I want accountability. Nobody should go through what I’ve gone through. This isn’t just about me – this is about the mental health and dignity of every government employee. I also want my FIR to be registered. So far, it hasn’t been. I’m thankful the CSS Association is supporting me now, but there needs to be a clear message that such harassment will not be tolerated.

Q: Are you receiving support from the CSS Association and colleagues?

Deepak: Yes, the CSS Association is standing with me and offering full support. They’ve been raising this issue actively and pushing for action.

Interview with R.S. Meena, District Education Officer in Rajasthan – Father of Deepak Khoda

Q: Sir, thank you for speaking with us. How is Deepak doing now, according to you?

R.S. Meena: It’s been an emotional roller coaster for us. We are grateful he is alive, but the mental trauma is beyond words. We are a family of humble background. We thought working in the central government would bring him stability. But instead, we’re watching him go through this pain – it’s heartbreaking.

Q: Sir, how did you come to know about what happened to your son?

R.S. Meena: I was in Jaipur when it happened. But my son had been sharing everything with us over the past 5-6 months. He told me, “Papa, I am being insulted again and again. They say they’ll ruin my career.” We kept telling him to stay strong, to focus on his work. But we didn’t realize it had gone this far.

On the morning of the incident, he spoke to me just 30 minutes before jumping. He was crying. He said, “They’ve cornered me. They’re threatening me.” That was the last call before the incident.

On that day, before the jump, he had spoken to his wife and even mentioned feeling helpless. We’re just glad God saved him.

Q: Who do you believe is responsible for this?

R.S. Meena: Two people – Additional Secretary Caralyn Khongwar Deshmukh and Deputy Secretary Narender Singh. They tortured my child mentally. Caralyn Ma’am – she created such an environment of fear and insult that my son, who had never even spoken back to elders, was driven to attempt suicide.

And let me tell you – these are not empty claims. We’ve been running from police station to police station, and even now, they are refusing to register the FIR.

Q: Why hasn’t the FIR been registered? What reasons are the police giving?

R.S. Meena: We went to the Kartavya Path Police Station, right next to Shastri Bhawan, on 30th September. We even took 150 officers from the Minister’s Secretariat to support us. Still, they refused to file the FIR.

The SHO, Manoj Kumar Singh, gave us vague answers. When we met the ACP, he just said, “We’ll look into it.” They’re clearly under pressure from higher authorities. They don’t want a case filed against a senior bureaucrat.

Q: Have you taken this up with anyone in the government?

R.S. Meena: Yes. I met with Secretary Amit Yadav (an IAS officer from the 1991 batch of AGMUT cadre) and told him everything – how his officers have ruined my son’s mental health. I pleaded with him to take action. I told him, “Sir, as Head of Department, you must ensure this never happens again.” I’m not asking for revenge. I want justice. I want institutional reform.

Q: What would you like to see happen now?

R.S. Meena: Strict action. This is not just about my son. Tomorrow, it could be someone else’s son or daughter. These officers who harassed him must be held accountable. We also demand that FIRs be filed, and a fair, transparent investigation be conducted. We want justice, not sympathy.

If we don’t get justice, we’ll go to the Prime Minister’s Office, the media, the courts – whatever it takes.


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