American psychologist B. F. Skinner has famously said that “a failure is not always a mistake, it may simply be the best one can do under the circumstances. The real mistake is to stop trying.” But, it is easier said than done. To keep moving ahead in the face of failures can be quite daunting, and, hence, it is not surprising that many give up on the way.
Same happens in the course of the UPSC journey – failure to crack the exam repeatedly can be very taxing on the mind. Hence, it is very important to train ourselves to take failures in our stride, step over them, and continue moving towards our goals.
And, to make it easier for you, we present 2013-batch IAS officer of UP cadre, Ms. Divya Mittal’s advices on how to tackle failures and reach the finishing line in the race of life. The IIM Bengaluru and IIT Delhi alumnus, and ex-trader in London, regularly shares lessons learned on her life journey on Twitter, and her most recent thread offers tips on how to overcome failures. She says: “I have had many failures in life, but you need to dust it off and go on.”
FAILURE THE BEST TEACHER
She starts the thread by saying that “failure is the best teacher, but for that you need to:
-Avoid denial
-Accept responsibility
-Get over the hurt and negative feelings.”
FORGET DENIAL MODE
In her next tweet, she asks people to stop living in denial mode. “You need to own the failure, the blame, and the consequences. You may feel that it was not completely in your hands, but still looking for reasons of failure outside of you will not help you grow or improve.”
FEAR OF FAILURES
Then she says that it is not failure that stops one; it is the fear of failure that stops one from re-trying. “Don’t let this failure induce fear of failure in your mind. You did not succeed this time, doesn’t mean you would not succeed the next time.”
RESTART YOUR JOURNEY
In her next tweet, she suggests what to do after a failure. “Restart your journey. Think what someone you admire would have done. Once you are in a better frame of mind, think what your role model would have done in the situation. Start planning.”
PLAY PSYCHOLOGICALLY
She also suggests becoming psychologically stronger. “Meditate/pray. When everything feels difficult, do nothing and meditate. Everything becomes easier. Make it a daily habit.”
TALK TO LOVED ONES
Next suggestion is to talk to loved ones to feel better and regain focus. “Talk to people who care about you. Instead of just discussing the emotion, discuss the way forward. Empathy from them will help you stick to your plan.”
NOTE DOWN THE PROCESS
In her next tweet, she suggests writing down the process you are going to follow. “Science shows that writing anything down increases your commitment to it significantly. Don’t just write your goal, but the process you are going to follow.”
PASSIVE ACTIVITIES
She also suggests doing passive activities to refocus and reboot.
“If you can’t work, listen to podcasts/videos; of you can’t write, read. Any activity related to your work, which requires lesser effort and can be done passively, should be done to restart your wheel.”
NO TO ‘NO WORK DAYS’
Next, Ms. Mittal strongly recommends avoiding any ‘no work day’. “Avoid ‘No work days’. Ensure no day goes without at least some work. If you avoid 0 work days, it’ll be way easier for you to regain momentum. You can at least:
Read 2 pages of a book.
Write 5 lines of code.
Write 1 paragraph of a report.”
SET SMALL GOALS
If it feels hard, she suggests setting small achievable goals. “Set very small targets. And then ensure that you achieve them. Celebrate that small victory. Congratulate yourself for being able to get over the sadness.”
PICK YOURSELF UP AND KEEP GOING
She concludes her thread on a highly encouraging note, saying that one cannot change the past, but one can definitely change the future by working hard and not giving up.
“There are a 1000 reasons to not do something, but only 1 reason to do it. That you have decided to do it. You are hurt right now, but you have to pick yourself up and keep going. The match is not lost when you fall, the match is lost when you refuse to get up.”
